


Running Scared

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-04-01
Updated: 2002-04-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: I have regressed to 2ndseason in an effort to erase Amy from my memory.  This is a "recovery" story, but it is not strictly cannon as you will see.





	Running Scared

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Running Scared**

**by:** Annmarie  


**Category/Pairing:** Josh/Donna  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Spoilers:** Through "Midterms"  
**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I have no official affiliation with The West Wing…  
**Notes:** I have regressed to 2 nd season in an effort to erase Amy from my memory. This is a "recovery" story, but it is not strictly cannon as you will see.  


Her cell phone chirped and Donna dropped the book that was in her hand. The sound startled Josh who looked up from the Physics Today that was on his lap.

Donna answered the phone with a small smile toward Josh.

"Hello."

"Donna, it’s me. Sorry to call so late, I used your cell in case Josh was asleep."

"It’s OK Leo, we’re both awake," Josh perked up at the mention of Leo.

"Oh good, you’re up. Would it be…? I mean, I know it’s late, but I thought maybe…? It’s probably not a good idea, never mind."

"Do you want to come over Leo?"

"It’s almost midnight, I didn’t realize."

"It’s OK, Josh would love to see you and our sleeping habits are less than traditional, he got quite a bit of sleep earlier this evening. Come on over."

"Thanks Donna," Leo smiled warmly on the other end of the phone.

"See you soon," Donna hung up and looked up to see a full-dimpled grin on Josh’s face.

"Thanks Donna."

"No shop talk Josh, I mean it, no stress," she was starting to get those little lines between her eyes that made Josh’s heart hurt and not from the surgery he had 2 weeks ago.

"Yes dear," he reached out to grab her hand as she walked past his recliner. He ran his thumb along her knuckles and she sank to the arm of the chair. With her free hand she smoothed back his hair, making him more presentable for Leo and checking for any sign of fever. 

Donna was petrified of infection. Before Josh got home from the hospital she practically bought out the cleaning supplies at the grocery store, scrubbing things in Josh’s apartment that she was sure had never been scrubbed before. She leaned forward now and pressed a kiss to his brow and lingered for a little longer than necessary to check for fever. He let go of her hand and ran his up her back.

"Rest," she got up from the chair and was in the kitchen before he had time to mention that was all he had been doing since he was shot.

Twenty minutes later there was a hesitant knock at the door. Josh’s eyes lit up at the visitor and Donna had to smile at his enthusiasm.

Leo waited at the door and was relieved to see Donna when it opened. He had seen her during her brief visits to the West Wing since the shooting. She usually came in in the mornings when Josh had physical therapy. She would gather mail and messages and anything that she could do from Josh’s and be gone as quickly as she arrived.

Leo saw her one day and thought she was an apparition, now he knows why, he had never seen anyone so pale. He thinks Josh may have had more color after surgery than Donna had in her face at the moment.

"Donna," he grins and leans in to kiss her cheek. He thinks he may have startled her with the gesture, but at the moment he is feeling very paternal toward the young woman who may be saving Josh’s life as surely as the surgeons who pieced him back together.

She recovered quickly, "Come in Leo."

"Hey Leo," Josh rasps from his chair and Leo tries to hide his sorrow. This man in the chair is not Josh Lyman, Leo can’t stand to see him so still, but then Josh smiles and there are the dimples and Leo shakes his head.

"How are you?" Leo asks sincerely.

"Sore," and Donna smiles at the honesty of that.

"Leo would you like something? There is coffee or iced tea, I think there might be some Diet Coke left?"

"Iced Tea would be good, Donna, thanks."

Donna returned with a glass of iced tea for Leo and a tall plastic cup of water for Josh. Leo didn’t understand why Josh got the plastic cup until he saw how badly Josh’s hands were shaking, must be the drugs. Speaking of which Donna gave him two pills to take with the water and held his head so he could swallow them.

It took so much effort for Josh to take the pills that a small amount of perspiration was visible at his hair line and Leo had to swallow the acrid taste of hate he had building inside him for the monsters who had done this. The only thing keeping Leo from running from the room was the tenderness between Donna and Josh. Everything she did was laced with compassion and Josh saw it as clearly as Leo did.

After the pills were down Donna left the room quietly. Leo started to discuss the Orioles and DC weather. Josh laughed.

"She won’t hurt you if you discuss work, just don’t get me all riled up. Which means avoiding talk of Republicans, so anything good and liberal happen today?"

Leo laughed out loud for the first time in 2 weeks. He chatted with his Deputy about minor White House matters and a couple of minutes later Donna reappeared from the guest bedroom. She was wearing a pair of running shorts and a Yale law school T-shirt. Her hair was back in a tight pony tail and she was carrying her running shoes.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked.

"I’m going to take a run," she said as she started to put on her shoes.

"It’s after midnight," Josh tried not to sound panicked at the idea.

"Well you, unlike me, live in a very nice neighborhood, so I am sure it is perfectly safe. Leo can you stay with him for a little while? The pills will make him a little loopy in a few minutes, but he’s more fun that way," she smirked at Josh and then turned to Leo.

"Sure, sure I can stay Donna, take all the time you need. Although, I tend to agree with Josh on this one, it is a little late to be out alone."

"I’m a big girl Leo. I’ll just run a couple of miles, I’ll be back in an hour," and with that she was out the door.

As soon as she hit the side walk Donna was at a full sprint. This had become her ritual, whenever someone would come to visit she would sneak out for a run. Usually it was during the day and Josh never seemed concerned and she was a little aware that running at 12:30 in DC was not on the top 10 safest things to do in our nation’s capital list, but she needed to run.

She had it down to a five mile sprint. She told Josh she was running 3 miles and for the amount of time it took her she should have only been running 3 miles, but she would push it as hard as she could. Sprinting for as long as her legs would hold her up. Until her chest burned, until she felt an ounce of the pain that Josh was living with daily.

She often had to slow down before she was done, but she would always sprint the last block back to Josh’s building and then skip the elevator to take the stairs up four floors to his apartment. If Josh had company she could sneak in unnoticed and grab a shower while he was being entertained.

Tonight was different though. As soon as she left the apartment Josh noted the time and every fifteen minutes he glanced toward the clock on the wall.

"She’s fine Josh," Leo noted after the third time.

"She’s been gone 45 minutes."  
  
"She said she’d be gone an hour, now relax, if you are all worked up when she comes back she’ll get mad at me and frankly I’m a little scared of her." 

Josh chuckled at that and tried not to worry. Leo related the latest story about Margaret and the cook in the Mess and even Leo was getting a good laugh in when Donna got back.

Perhaps it was the late hour or the humidity that was starting up as DC headed into June, but this run had really torn at Donna. She was wrung out with sweat and as she waited outside Josh’s door she was having a hard time getting her breathing under control. As much as she had been pushing it, she didn’t want Josh to know how hard she was running herself, physically as well as mentally.

She figured Josh would be pretty out of it by then, she had given him his pain meds before she left, so she was shocked to see him so alert when she came in.

"Donna?" he questioned from the chair.

"Yeah," she wheezed out as she leaned forward with her hands on her knees.

Leo was up in a second getting her a glass of water.

"Thanks," was all she could get out as she gulped down the water.

All Leo could think was how glad he was she had some color back in her face, but Josh didn’t think that was a positive thing.

"Where the hell did you run, Connecticut?" his voice rising louder than she had heard it since before the gun shots were fired.

The water helped and soon she was able to get her breathing under control.

"I’m just going to take a quick shower."

She came back out 20 minutes later in flannel pajamas and her hair wrapped in a towel, she was barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Leo, I’m sorry, but I have to get him to bed if I want to get any sleep before I have to go to work," she was swaying on her feet.

"Of course. Can I help you?"

"No, we’ll be fine," she smiled and Leo knew she was right. He said good bye to Josh and Donna saw him out.

It took a while to get Josh out of the chair and into the bedroom. Their nightly ritual was down to a science and Josh was pretty adept at getting himself changed and to the bathroom. Donna would wait for him to get in bed before she went down the hall to the guest room.

Tonight, when Josh left the bathroom he found Donna asleep on top of his bed. He made his way to the other side of the bed and pulled the covers back enough to get in. He was able to reach an afghan at the end of the bed to cover Donna and turned off the light.

Josh could only sleep for a few hours at a time, before the pain in his chest woke him. Between the pain and the drugs he often woke in more of a haze than usual and this night the haze was pierced by the very distinct sound of crying.

It took him a second to realize it was coming from his own bed and he opened an eye to see Donna’s sleek back tremble under the blanket he had covered her with earlier.

"Donna," he whispered and she jerked her body ramrod stiff and sniffled.

"You OK?"

She jumped out of the bed as if it were on fire and was across the room at the dresser before Josh's eyes could adjust to the dark.

"You ready for your meds?" she asked with her back still turned to him.

"Yeah, but they can wait a second. Are you OK?"

She scrubbed her hands over her cheeks and nodded, "Uh huh, must have had a bad dream or something."

"Donna, come ‘ere. You were bawling, come talk to me."

She stepped over to the bed hesitantly, but as soon as she was close enough Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit next to him. He propped himself up on the pillows behind him and pulled her down to rest on his chest.

It was the first time since the shooting that she held him, really held him. She was always nervous about hurting him or disturbing the intricate stitching that was holding him together. Now that she was in his arms though, she didn’t want to let go, ever again. The tears came again and this time she didn’t try to hide them.

"Shh, he cooed into her hair, don’t cry so hard Donna, you’ll make yourself sick," he tried to rock her, but his movements were painful so he just rubbed circles on her back.

"It’s OK," she gulped for air between sobs, "I want the pain," she shuddered, "I want it to hurt," she was inconsolable now.

"Donna, please stop, your scaring me," this got her attention and she tried to calm herself down.

"Oh God Josh, I am so sorry. Here you are in need of pain medication and I’m crying on your shoulder," she tried to untangle herself from him, but as she had tried to untangle herself emotionally for the past couple of years this task proved harder than it seemed.

"I’m OK Donna, but I am fairly sure you are not. What do you mean you want the pain?"

"It’s so unfair that you are in so much pain Josh. You did nothing to deserve this sentence. I watch you try and turn the pages of those damn physics magazines and it hurts you and I can’t stand it. I thought if I focused on my own pain a little I would stop obsessing about yours."

"Is that why you are running like a gazelle through the streets of Georgetown in the middle of the night?"

"It makes my chest hurt," she was looking down at the worn cuff of her pajamas and Josh thought she looked like a 10 year old scared little girl.

"Oh God Donna, I don’t ever want you to hurt. You’re right, I didn’t deserve this, no one does, but I’m getting better. It hurts less and less every day. You make it hurt less Donna, not just physically. You make it all worth it, all the pain all the work, that damn sadistic physical therapist, you make it all worth it."

"I love you."

"I know, I’m not always sure why, but I know. And I don’t deserve that either, but God am I grateful," he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Tomorrow take my credit card to Sears and get an exercise bike or a tread mill or something, you want to work out or de-stress do it here, I don’t want you running yourself into the ground, literally. I love you too."

She kissed him again and got up to finish the task of medicating him. She was about to leave him to get some sleep, but he didn’t let go of her hand and with no words he pulled her back to the bed. She arranged herself so she wouldn’t aggravate his incision and together they fell into a painless sleep.


End file.
